The Thoughts Alone

**Authors Note: I wrote this post four days ago.  My husband said that it was depressing, and urged me to hold off posting.  So I did.  Then, last night, on August 11, 2014, Robin Williams ended his life.  I decided to go ahead and post this with the hope and prayer that someone, somewhere, might be able to read this and get help.  To that person, I want to say how blessed and amazing you are, NO MATTER WHAT. **

I saw the picture.  She had a beautiful, happy smile, and then the video plea from her husband.  I heard the words, "the kids think Mommy is on vacation."  Then the words, "She was upset when she left." 

My heart ached for her kids.  I knew exactly what happened.  Then the list of things she purchased came out a few days later, and my heart knew for sure. 

Her family asked, "What could have driven her to this dark place?"  Trust me, it's a slow, cold decent.  You never planned on going down the road, but once you start to slip mentally, the final step to contemplating suicide isn't a stretch.  

I have experience in this area.  Unfortunately, I have had four members of my family, one uncle, three cousins, take their own lives.  Then there was me.  I broke.  But in my case, I knew better than to be alone.

She was alone with her thoughts.  When you get to the dark place, the demons are sure a hell of a lot louder than reason.  "You will never make him/her truly happy."  They whisper in a cold, malicious tone.  "They will be fine without you." Continues the voices slightly louder.  "What is there to live for anyway?"  The answer can't be found before they become louder, and more demanding, "You do everything for them, and look what they have done for you!"  These voices in your head didn't come in over night, but like most parasites they do not care about the host.  They feed on insecurity, your thoughts, your motives, and your heart. No one can see them from the outside.

People going through the decline may say things like, "I am tired." "I wish things would change."  "I feel like I don't have anyone."  "I am stuck in this situation."  At this point, friends and family should start to do something.  Take them out for coffee and talk to them heart-to-heart.  Watch their kids, or take them dinner.  Remind them with notes, and calls that you love them and care about them.  Tell them you NEED them to be okay.  (This may make them cry or cause anger.  That is sign things are much worse than they have said).  Then help them get there.  Talk to their spouse and let them know that you worry about your friends mental health.  Most of the time, those who live with the person completely and totally miss the decline because it doesn't happen fast.

Catholic Relief Services, and Lutheran Community Services both offer low-cost and free counseling to those that can't afford traditional services.    Get the names and phone numbers of local professionals and give them to your friend or spouse.  Most people that suffer with depression, or are contemplating suicide will not ask for help.  You have to give it to them.

Sometimes, they just need to sleep.  Do whatever you can to let them rest.  In my case, I had a newborn that ate around the clock, and I was literally worn out.  I could not hear reason because I was so tired.  When I see pictures of myself from that time, it hits me how bad it was.  I gained a lot of weight.  I looked gray and puffy.  I didn't exercise.  I would have given anything to have someone let me have a nap and a long walk.  Maybe a pedicure.  Okay, definitely a pedicure.  Give them a pedicure.  Unless it's a dude, then I would suggest letting them do something they really enjoy, like racing go-carts, or fishing.

TALK TO THEM EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Do not have a "scheduled" time.  But do let them know you will continue to call them and let you know you care every day.  This should be enough to let the person know that someone is looking out for them.  To a person on the edge, this could be the difference between life and death.

Finally, speak truth to them every time you touch base with them.  I am a Christian, so I will tell even those that don't believe in God, "You were put on earth for a reason, and YOU are precious to God and Me."  It's not perfect English, but it tells the person you care.  Tell them, "I know you are hurting, and I want to be there for you."  Letting them know they don't need to be perfect for you is a big thing.

Touched By An Angel may have seemed corny during the 90's, but it spoke truth on weekly basis to thousands of hearts.  Every week, Roma Downy would tell people, "You are precious, and God loves you very much.  If you could only see how high, and how deep His amazing love is, you would understand that your life means everything to the one that created you.  He knew you before the moment you were formed in your mother's womb.  He cares that you are going through this, and He wants to hold you.  Won't you give God the chance?" 

I hope that my struggle and the loss of my family was not in vain.  If you are feeling helpless, hopeless and reading this touched off something you need to share, please get help.  You are not alone.

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