First Half Marathon Finished!

I have two sayings over my desk.  "I am strong because I am weak.  I am fearless because I have been afraid.  I am wise because I have been foolish."  The second is "Sometimes you win, Sometimes you learn."
Both applied to yesterday.

I wrote on my arm, Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off the weight and everything that hinders us, and run with perseverance the race set before us."  

I joined the trail running group eight weeks ago.  Our first run was on the Riverside State Park trail near the cemetery.  I did pretty good.  I thought, "I can TOTALLY do this!"  The runs got progressively harder, longer, and more technical.  Last week, I did the five mile trek, and I thought, "I can do Happy Girl no problem!"  I had aspirations of a two and a half hour finish.

The race began on the same leg as the first trail we ran.  Piece of cake, I zoomed through people as the familiar trail was, dare I say, easy.  I did four miles and caught up to the second group of runners.  (There were three groups).  I was easily doing ten and a half minute miles.  Then I looked down at the six mile mark and I almost cried.  Mom was gone.

Mom has technically been gone.  She passed a year and a half ago.  I run with her happy smile around my neck on a dog tag.  She has completed every race so far with me.

I stopped and ran backwards for about a quarter mile.  I didn't see her.  I started praying HARD someone would find her and bring her back.  I notified the next aid station on the trail.

The trail got more technical, and without Mom, I felt a little lost, and a lot sad.  I decided to keep going, telling myself, I could always get another one, if it didn't show up.

By mile 8 it was hard to pick my feet up all the way, and I slipped on horse poop that was on a rock.  I didn't see the rock until it was too late.  My ankle hurt.  Bad.  Like white streaks in my vision bad.  I decided it was okay to cry.  I didn't stop though.  I invented this hop/skip/limp thing that must have looked hilarious to the people behind me.  But I didn't care.

I started to walk.  The twisted ankle caused some kind of muscle spasm to kick in.  My calf muscle seized up and hot, searing pain greeted me with each downward step.  The lady behind me pointed to my calf and said something like, "That doesn't look good."  But I told her I was fine.  So I did a tip-toe run to stretch the muscle and keep my momentum in a forward direction.  It worked.  Sort of, anyway.  I now have a blister that made my husband nauseous to look at. 

For the rest of the race, I did a run a bit, walk a bit, run a bit, walk a bit.  Then I got the call from my husband asking if I was okay.  "I'm alive."  I told him, "In pain like no other, but I am alive." He was sympathetic.  "Get here when you can.  I love you.  I am proud of you."  I got off the phone and started to cry a little again.  I had one mile left to go.

I saw my family at the edge of the property with my unicorn.  Excitement, pain, happiness, agony, and a little disappointment in myself were all emotions I felt.  But they were the best thing I had seen all day.  My family loves me.  My husband had said the night before bringing the unicorn, "would be humiliating."  I told him not to worry about it.  But my oldest, an eleven year old boy, wanted me to ride the unicorn over the finish in the first place.  What woman rides a unicorn over the finish?  Me.  I did.  I rode a unicorn over the finish line of the half marathon.

My time wasn't great.  It took three hours, pretty much even.  Overall, I came in 442 out of 594 runners.  My body hurt in places I didn't know I had.  Walking is a bit sketchy.  Going up (or down) the stairs isn't fun.  (Which reaffirms my decision my next house will be single level.  My current home has four levels).

 I posted a plea to fellow racers to keep an eye out for the necklace of Mom.  Social Media, in all it's faults, saved Mom from a second tragic loss.  The company that made the necklace went out of business.  I could not have replaced it if I wanted to.  To the person that found her and turned her in, please let me know.  I want to send you a bag of coffee and a thank you card.  I was able to go pick up the necklace yesterday afternoon.  My necklace of Mom is safe and sound.

I got a beautiful sterling silver necklace at the finish.  I wore it the rest of the day.  One side says "Happy Girl" the other "Finisher 13.1 miles."  Worth every bruise, sprain, strain, and blister.

I put my race bib over my desk.  It is a reminder that even when you think you are prepared for something, bad things may happen.  You have to keep going.  You have to stay strong.

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Don't Quit

I have been "practicing" running in my ankle brace, and knee brace.  With the help of the orthotic insole my calf muscle (gastrocnemius and soleus for the technical term) no longer feels like it is being torn from the bone; which is what was happening with the 9mm drop in my arch when I would use force to run.  Most people have a 4mm drop.  In non-technical jargon, this means, I have feet so flat they sink when I walk.  It is ugly.

"The big bruise on your arch didn't clue you in to stop running?"
"I am part of a trail group, I have to run."  She furrowed her eye brows and glared at me.
"Why are you nuts?  That isn't a related answer to the question I asked."
"I have a half-marathon I am training for.  I have been working hard, so I have to take the bruises, and just tape, medicate, bandage, and brace into place until it is over."  I was not shocked that she was so forward about her disdain.  I have already had the same canned response for the three doctors that have spent the last three weeks patching up my leg and foot.

She shrugged her shoulders.  "Fine.  Do your half marathon then you HAVE to stop until the muscle is healed.  If you don't rest and don't stop, this condition will form scar tissue and you will risk much worse injury.  You can start running distance again when the bruise and muscle are completely healed.  Which is six weeks."

I understand.  I understand pushing past pain, but I also understand being an idiot.  This half marathon is my last long distance run until the first of the year.  I will still run nearly everyday, but it will be one to three miles.  Runners don't count three miles as "distance."  This is a bit disheartening.  But I keep running.  One mile is still a run.  Two miles is still a run.  Three miles is still longer than the majority of the population can do. 

 The last week, I had to walk.  Ankle braces make my feet feel like they are sliding around in my shoe.  Which is not optimal for being stable on uneven terrain like a trail.  But I am moving forward and pressing past what feels normal and comfortable.  I have to cross that finish. 

I changed the time I will finish.  I am in the slowest group now.  It isn't what I wanted.  But life is 100% about how you take being knocked down.  Are you going to make excuses and use injury to give you an attitude of fear, and failure?  Or do you want to put on some decent shoes and go for a long walk that gives way to a run?

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My Happy Place

I put aside training a few weeks each year to bake in the sun ("bake" is the correct term.  I go from translucent winter white to beet red inside of two days), and watch whales breech in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.  I trade Vitamin Water for salt-rimmed margarita's and listening to my kids laugh and play in the pool.  When I am stressed, or having a difficult day, I can close my eyes and picture the sand in my toes and the ice in my drink.

The images from Hurricane Odile hit too close to my Happy Place. Looting at the Wal Mart where I shop, the beaches, pristine and beautiful, are now ravaged and filthy.  Miles of shoreline I walked hand in hand with husband devastated overnight.  More important than my own little world of sheltered paradise, the mass flattening of the homes of those that make my stay pleasant and wonderful, is too much to absorb.  The homes made of wax cardboard, composite wood, iron, and cement lay in piles washed away like a house of cards.

After going through pictures of my in-laws in Mexico, we created a coffee blend called, "Happy Place."  With the mix of Mexican, Guatemalan, and Sumatran coffee, it is the heavy favorite of all the coffee we roast.  It is a permanent homage to our favorite place. http://www.nectaroflife.com/Happyplace.htm

It is the only time and place I have ever been thankful for the hours I endured Dora the Explorer.  I can tell you I need to find a bathroom, I only eat chicken, the words for chocolate, coffee, spider, snake, up, down, music, and in this case, star.  I sat on the beach with my family after the sun set watching the brilliant display of stars above.  Suddenly, a huge star took off across the sky.  I yelled to the Hispanic family behind us, "ESTRELLA!  ESTRELLA!"  They were able to catch a glimpse of the tail, and for once, I was thankful I remembered Dora and her ridiculous star pocket.

My happy place used to be on top of a 14er.  I climbed to the top of one of them twice while working at a Christian Challenge camp in the area.  I love trail running because although I have a lot more oxygen than I did when I climbed Redcloud Peak (14,034 if you want EXACT numbers) I get a similar feeling of accomplishment and awe.  There is nothing like being on top of a tall hill or mountain.  Both times I hiked to the top, I did so with a large group of kids and my fellow group leaders.  When you give kids the chance to face their fears, accomplish a HUGE goal, and let them touch the sky, you show them they can do anything.

This week, we trail ran near Liberty Lake in Washington state.  It isn't my favorite trail.  I don't care for weeds that overgrow a trail.  But the view from the top of the lake was pretty amazing.  My time on the trek stunk.  Yes, I can blame my foot.  Like a fool, I left the brace I had been told to wear at home.  Ugh.  I won't make that mistake again.  For a while at least.  Rule #1 Never change anything that worked.  Okay, that is the NEW rule #1.

As I climbed to the top of the hill, my foot pain gnawing at my knees and making me feel stupider with every step, I had to remember who I am.  I didn't just give the kids strength to face their fears, and pain, I gave myself the gift as well.  A small part of me wanted to turn around and go back.  I decided a bit of pain would be worth the effort.  I AM an over-comer.  I BELIEVE I can do this.  I KNOW that I am strong.

Next year, we are talking about going to Mexico for very different reasons.  We are looking into finding ways to help make life better for those that serve so many. Perhaps a day or two out of our vacation, we can work to rebuild the homes of those that create our "Happy Place."

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The Finish Line Is Near!

I missed the last two trail running group meetings.  I felt like a loser last night, but sometimes life is like that.  We only think we have control.

So, while tending to my sick kid, and getting used to running with the ultra hip, super sexy brace for my knee I opt for the treadmill.  (My husband says it looks like I am slowly building an exo-skeleton.  I assume that is a sci-fi reference).  I did alright.  Seven miles in all.

Am I built for running?  I asked myself that question all week as I went to an orthopedist appointment and was fitted for the brace.  He assured me EVERYONE is able to run.  If you can walk, you can run.  SHOULD everyone run?  No, probably not.  Although I run a high risk for eventual problems in my knees and feet, I am taking the steps now to prevent that.  By keeping active, and my weight within normal guidelines, my joints should be fine for decades.  That was music to my ears.  I am not the skinniest runner, and I am not the fastest runner, but I am off the couch.  That half marathon will be ran.  I have 99 problems, but determination isn't one of them.

Today marks a happy day.  It is our coffee neighbor's first birthday.  Technically, it's their little boy's birthday, but he rolls around like he knows what he is doing.  My kids were out at our warehouse roasting coffee with us until they were two years old.  (Not in the shop with the coffee, we have an office... sheesh.)  They had a party for him last weekend that included the grandparents, parents, and that was the end of the list.  Not that I wouldn't have gone.  I would have.  However, they asked me a few months ago if "the kid" would remember the first birthday at all.  Here is what I said, "If I could go back in time, I would have spent NO money the first two birthday's.  Wait until they are three, have friends of their own (if you do pre-school or play groups), and you can do something fun.  If you REALLY want a cake, make one yourself.  Decorations from the Dollar Tree.  Cap it at $5.00.  And for the love of all things infant, DON'T. DO. GOODYBAGS.  Goody bags are for older kids that care about the temporary tattoo, bottle of bubbles, candy, and crayons.  But seriously, save your money for the next two years."  I know most new parents can't help themselves, but I am proud to report they took my advise.  I didn't get so much as an invitation.  And I couldn't be happier.

I don't think I have lost any more weight.  I don't use the scale at home, as I have to step on one when I go into the doctor's office.  They don't tell me the numbers, and I like that.  My pants fit, I feel healthy, and one way or another, goals are being met.

As for the missing trail runs, guess where I am dragging the whole family later this week?  To the trails I missed.  We are ALL going to take those dusty runs.  Because I am flexible like that...


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First World and Foot Issues

Saturday was rough.  I ran almost three miles, then pain (and I mean the run MUST stop pain) caused an abrupt halt to the training.  Sunday I threw in a mouth guard and ran through the pain.  I iced the foot and put it up later, but the bruise on my arch said that the action was probably stupid.  By Monday, no trail group for me.  I could walk, but it hurt. I wore one of those uber sexy wrap supports and went around with my kids.

My trail coach said getting the foot looked at was about the only thing I could do.  I went into the Fleet Feet Store http://www.fleetfeetsports.com/ and was immediately given the best customer support in the world.  I had not one person, but two, watching me walk to figure out my gait, and showing me with an actual foot bone display what was happening when I walked (ouch! By the way, no wonder my poor foot hurt!).  I was in the store about a half an hour and walked out with a arch support for the bones that no longer wanted to stay put.  They cut and fit the mold for my foot.  I have a super tiny calcaneus heel and large metatarsals (foot bones). This makes finding a shoe fit difficult for someone like me.

Which brings me to a few months ago, when I started having foot pain, and wandered into another national sporting goods store that shall remain nameless and I asked the "shoe department expert" if she knew what support would work best with the specific pain I was having.  She was chewing gum, and apparently I interrupted her conversation with the married but yet flirting younger gentleman.  Yeah, I was unimpressed at that point, then she pointed, and told me, "the supports are over there, center rack."  I asked how I would know what one I needed.  She said, "uh, I dunno... Good luck with that."  Can you say, tacky?  It isn't even worth going in for the coupon they offered.  I would have had better luck at Wal Mart.

This week we also introduced our kids to Weird Al videos.  I hadn't seen any of them since the early '90's (Achy Break-y Song) and apparently, he has had quite the comeback.  http://youtu.be/bwvlbJ0h35A This one is called "First World Problems."  I was a bit convicted.  Now, I when I get frustrated about the little things, like the dishes not coming out of the dishwasher clean enough, or clothes coming out of the dryer wrinkled warrants the song to be played in my head.  "First world, first world problems, yeah..."  I am a spoiled first world woman.  But a THANKFUL woman.  I really do give thanks for dirty dishes (we get to eat), dirty clothes (we have little people that get dirty), and snow to shovel (we have water when the rest of the west is in a severe drought).  However, my favorite is http://youtu.be/8Gv0H-vPoDc Word Crimes.

So, this afternoon training will resume.  Fast walk to start breaking in the new support, then jog, but I will be there on the 27th for this adventure I committed to.  Have a great rest of your week.

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