Mostly Perfect Portal Party

"Hey Mom, do you have everything ready for my party Saturday?"  My oldest came down as I was finishing up my day at my home office.
"What party?"  I asked still focusing somewhat on the task at hand.
"My birthday party."  He said with marked panic.

Oh. Fudge. Balls.

I am not the Mom that fails at party planning.  Nope.  I have everything nailed down tight with names two weeks before.  I have the cake baked, decorations done, and Pinterest envy themes.  Except this year.  There I sat, facing my computer so he couldn't see the deer-in-the-headlights expression and panic I was exhibiting. "Uh, yeah, sure Buddy.  You said you wanted a Portal theme right?"  He nodded happily.
"I knew you had everything.  I just wanted to make sure."  His faith in me was crushing at this moment.  In my head I began to pray, "Dear Jesus, Please let Pinterest have LOTS of cheap ideas for me."

Party City has ZERO Portal video game birthday party theme ideas.  You have to make things up.  I was sweating bullets trying to figure out how on earth I planned to pull this off.

Sure enough, Pinterest had a few Moms that went over the top and was able to piece together colors, and a theme in two hours of printing and cutting.  The result was perfect.  The kids thought I had spent hundreds of dollars, and weeks of prep work.  Neither of which was the case.  I spent the most at Party City, but it was still sub $50.00.  But I had to have the balloons with his name on them. 

I don't have pictures of the rock candy and matching M&Ms which were not cheap, but I didn't have time to sort through king sized bags for the two colors I needed. All cutlery, plates and napkins were from Dollar Tree.  I got silly string there, because 12 year old boys are too old for traditional party goodies, but not too old to LOVE silly string. 

These are propulsion and repulsion juices.  Whatever that means.  I found eight pack blue and orange blank juice bottles at Dollar Tree and attached a stretched out Aperture logo.  I will warn you, these juices aren't the best tasting, but they matched the theme and the boys thought they were genius. 

These images were found by looking up "printable Portal images."  I neatened up the lines, used color pencils, and painted four canvas art squares with "Gunmetal Gray" acrylic. Once the paint was dry, I used Modge Podge to attach the print-outs.  They look really nice in person.    These are nice because after the party, they went up in his room for art.  When you are 12, that is "cool."

Someone posted a Companion Cube with the images.  I filled them with the "goodies" i.e. a compass ring, mini slinky, and one of those half ball things that flips in the air.  I added a few pieces of candy for good measure.  The boys actually took great care in opening the cube, because all them intended to keep it.  Whodathunkit. 

I didn't have enough time to bake a cake, so I prayed.  It is the random prayers that get answered and let you know that God cares enough to send you a chocolate pudding cake marked down to $3.49 at your local grocery store.  I made the chocolate frosting at home, and used cream cheese frosting to write.  The cherries were frozen.  This is a replica of the "bribe cake" they use in the game.  I guess the cake is a lie.  Still don't know what that means. 

What is a party without balloons and streamers?  I went with blue and orange since that is what I could find at Dollar Tree, and the big boy approved.  I used a blue table cloth.  As with all parties, I suggest putting a Sharpie marker out by the paper cups so people can write their name on the cup.  No one wants to share cooties. 

So, I pulled off a party in two days, nine hours, and fifteen minutes.  New record.  Not that I plan on doing this again.  Next time, I will have my stuff together.  But it's nice to know that in a pinch, I can pull off the impossible (a.k.a. the time Before Pinterest).

Copyright March 30, 2015 all photos and ideas herein are property of H.Jennings.  If you would like to use my images, please contact me FIRST.  Do not spin, translate, use in any way, shape, or form without full written consent. 

Of Juice Fast, and Diet Fads

It's tough when someone you love starts selling diet products.  You want so much to be supportive, and yet that part of you that is logical and understands that diet and exercise are the ONLY long term solutions to weight loss makes you block the Facebook posts.  I have been there.  I have tried a few of them, and lost some weight.  Water weight, but long term, I gained what I had lost back and then some.  Not worth it.

Juice cleanses are exactly as effective as fasting.  Studies show, fasting for 24 hours with clear liquid is okay, and safe once in a while.  Those that do three to seven day juice cleanses are not benefiting themselves at all.  As a matter of fact, those that do the juice cleanses end up weighing up to five pounds more 30 days after they stop the cleanse.  The reason is your body is in starvation mode from lack of nutrients.  It will hold on to carbohydrates, salt, and fat for storage the next time you decide to do a fast. It is better to eat right, and exercise consistently. 

Weight loss is a BILLION dollar industry world-wide.  We ALL want to be beach ready-yesterday.  This taking two years to lose 40 pounds sounds like... work.  And yet it's worth it. 

Our bodies are magnificently made.  We have kidneys, and appendix that filter out most of the junk we eat.  Our colon is hundreds of feet of awesome.  We abuse it by eating the wrong foods (high red meat, low fiber diets).  Your colon is responsible for the absorption of nutrients you eat.   Your overall mental health can be effected by the health of your colon. 

We need to think of our bodies as a temple.  You wouldn't walk into the Roman Colosseum with a can of spray paint. But that is what we are doing to our bodies when we opt for short term solutions.

You need to eat 0.4 grams of lean protein per pound of body weight every day.  You can get the protein in a delicious smoothie made with protein powder, veggies, and fruit.  You can eat poultry.  Tofu, Greek yogurt, and cottage cheese are also good options.

To lose weight, you need to know your body mass.  I like My Fitness Pal app, and Fitbit.  Weight Watchers is fantastic also, but I have the caveat that you need to be in a meeting. Weekly face-to-face accountability is the best weight loss tool there is.

Here are the five tools I have used to lose weight and keep it off:

1. Write down every single thing you eat.  I have been using the fitbit app lately and I love the system that they use; within goal is a green arrow, yellow arrow is below, and red arrow means you are doing some late evening cardio.  It is a clear, easy to understand system.

2. Move a little everyday.  You don't have to train for a marathon, but you have to do something everyday.  A pedometer (plain, old, strap-to-your-pants pedometer) is only $8.00 at most sporting good stores and with that aim for 10,000 steps every single day. 

3. If you are feeling emotional, call a friend and go for a walk.  Stay out of the kitchen at all costs.  Growing up food was comfort.  We ate a lot of spaghetti.  As a matter of fact, that is what my mom for our rehearsal dinner.  Sad=chocolate chip cookies.  Happy=ice cream with the chocolate chip cookie.  Food was both our enemy and best friend. Breaking that habit has been a decade in the making. 

4.  Sure, you can have a treat, but not every day.  Chances are, you don't have supermodel genetics.  They can eat cake everyday and stay trim with yoga.  I don't have it like that.  I have to run up a cliff to make a scale move.  Most of us can afford to have a treat two times a week. 

5. I have to eat a lot of fiber.  I compete with the likes of horses for the grams of fiber I consume.  We eat two pounds of spinach and a pound of kale every single week.  There are four of us.  One of whom, won't eat kale.  You get the picture, we put away our greens in a serious way. 

I will throw in one more piece of advise: join a local weight loss group of some type.  I have joined two, because I want to know how to make my body the strongest, leanest machine it can be.  I will always have a bit of junk in the trunk and stretch marks, but isn't that what makes us unique and beautiful?

Don't strive for perfection or quick weight loss.  Strive for one goal.  Hit one goal at a time and you will reach your big goal before you know it. 

Copyright H.Jennings, United States of America, March 23, 2015.  Do not steal, translate, swipe, copy, or otherwise spin my posts.  If you steal any of my works, may you get seagull poop on your sandwich. If you want me to write posts for you, ask nicely.
 

This Is Normal, and You Are Too

I spoke with our Pastor after my Mom died.  "It just feels like I am fighting the wind with everything I have to just get through the day.  Is that normal?"
"Whatever you are feeling is normal."  He said with a nod and compassionate glance. 

That sentence had never been uttered to me before.  Normal is a setting on your dryer after all, not the loss of a parent.  So I was not sure how to respond. 

He followed up my puzzled expression with, "You are going to feel better when you do.  Not a minute before then.  You can't force better.  You will never be the same.  Death is a forever change that you learn to live with.  However you feel is okay.  Anger is okay.  Pain is okay.  Frustration is okay.  Tears are okay.  But you must face how you feel ever single day.  Every day is going to feel different.  You will reach a new level of normal and okay."

I am normal.  Which means, we are all normal.  Let that sink in a minute.

It is okay that I felt betrayal and anger when two years after Mom died they wanted to scatter ashes two weeks before we could be with them.  It is okay that I didn't want to go scatter ashes the day before my son's birthday.  We lost Mom the day after he turned ten years old.  I didn't need another birthday marred by the circumstances beyond my control.  I get that we all move on at our own speed.  My reaction was okay, and their reaction was okay.  We are all okay.  We love each other and are working to move on. 

Copyright March 28, 2015 H. Jennings United States of America.  Don't steal this, or any post on my blog.  They belong to me.  If you want me to write for you, just ask.  I am agreeable until you snatch my stuff.  Then I get cranky.