I spoke with our Pastor after my Mom died. "It just feels like I am fighting the wind with everything I have to just get through the day. Is that normal?"
"Whatever you are feeling is normal." He said with a nod and compassionate glance.
That sentence had never been uttered to me before. Normal is a setting on your dryer after all, not the loss of a parent. So I was not sure how to respond.
He followed up my puzzled expression with, "You are going to feel better when you do. Not a minute before then. You can't force better. You will never be the same. Death is a forever change that you learn to live with. However you feel is okay. Anger is okay. Pain is okay. Frustration is okay. Tears are okay. But you must face how you feel ever single day. Every day is going to feel different. You will reach a new level of normal and okay."
I am normal. Which means, we are all normal. Let that sink in a minute.
It is okay that I felt betrayal and anger when two years after Mom died they wanted to scatter ashes two weeks before we could be with them. It is okay that I didn't want to go scatter ashes the day before my son's birthday. We lost Mom the day after he turned ten years old. I didn't need another birthday marred by the circumstances beyond my control. I get that we all move on at our own speed. My reaction was okay, and their reaction was okay. We are all okay. We love each other and are working to move on.
Copyright March 28, 2015 H. Jennings United States of America. Don't steal this, or any post on my blog. They belong to me. If you want me to write for you, just ask. I am agreeable until you snatch my stuff. Then I get cranky.
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