Makin' it Monday

It is summer time.  I have two kids and they are old enough to "amuse" themselves while I work, but the Mommy guilt is a thing of beauty.  I also own my own business.  I work 30-40 hours a week.  Technically, I shove more than that into the day (It would take normal people without the ADD superpower 50 hours).

How can I do that?  First, I am terribly organized.  I have lists for my lists.  My house isn't perfect, but I know where everything is.  My husband doesn't, but that is for another post.  I use this pin as a guide to make my own page, but at least you can get the idea of what I include... If you want to buy these, start here: https://www.etsy.com/listing/87607943/three-pack-the-laj-daily-page-notepad

On Monday, I road map the whole rest of the week.  I take two hours in the morning to do this.  It is WELL worth the time.  My menu goes in the lower right corner, and I take two hours over lunch to do "prep" work for the week, (i.e. peel and chop carrots, cut up fruit, make a salad, freeze cubes of herbs from the garden, make a shopping list, etc.) 

I have a binder of miscellaneous "work" pages from Scholastic, teachers-pay-teachers and the like in a binder for each of my kids.  They know they HAVE to do two double sided pages each "business" day.  This keeps them busy for about an hour.  Some are fun (like grow a grass head), and others stretch their brain.  I visit the library to get "educational/themed" videos that take about an hour to watch.  They watch one per day.  They learned about Bridges, France, Mexican culture, and it's only the end of June!

We go on "family" walks Monday's, Wednesday's, and Friday's.  Sometimes, it's just around the block, but other times we mix it up and go hiking.  That is a good hour, but the kids love that they play at the school park at the end of the walk. 

Tuesday mornings, I schedule something "fun" with the kids.  Whether it's swimming, going to the park, playing with a friend, or turning a big box into a fort, we have FUN.  This week, we tie dyed.  It was AWESOME.  It's my favorite part of the whole entire year.  When we get done, I put my nose to the grindstone and work hard.  If you get an email back at seven in the evening, you know why.

Wednesday, the kids pitch in to help with the business in some way.  Sometimes, they operate shred the pile of papers, other times they label bulk bags, or take out the office trash.  They know they have a valued part of not just our family, but the business we own as well.  Wednesday evenings, I match sales, coupons, and prepare the reusable bags and grocery list.

Thursday, the oldest gets to cook dinner, or lunch, his choice.  He has really surprised us with his interest in cooking.  He pulls recipes from my Food Network magazine.  This makes him feel like he has skills.  I have the youngest vacuum the dining room floor.  He is paid for his work.  Mainly because I HATE vacuuming.  This is the day I map out what I failed to do earlier in the week, and I catch up.  Sometimes, I work until ten at night. I also finish all grocery shopping while I am delivering coffee.  (I'm a two birds with one stone kind of gal).

Friday, I try to leave only Friday's work for Friday.  As soon as it's all done, I let myself have the rest of the weekend with my family.  We clean up the house, pick out movies to watch, and decide how we are going to spend our weekend.

Church is a priority on Sunday, but we go the 8 am service so the rest of the day is open.  I spend about two hours cutting coupons and looking over the sale ad's.  They will be matched with other ads come Wednesday.  I used to be a lot more careful about only using coupons and only purchasing things on sale.  However, I don't have that much time to invest at this point.  I employ the "less is more" philosophy.

It isn't perfect... life is like that.  I have a lot of flexibility with owning the business with my husband, even if it's not ideal.  Sometimes I forget things, sometimes the kids eat late.  We are all works in progress, and even if I can raise kids that feel valued, happy, and talented, I think I have done okay in this life :).

Nostalgic for the 1980's...

So it's "Throwback Thursday" on Facebook.  Time for some good memories.  Unless you were born after 1992, then none of this will make any sense to you at all.

1. We could not roll down all four windows from the drivers side door.
Remember having to hand-roll down windows with a crank handle?  What about the really old beast cars that the window would stick in the down position and you would be using ALL your arm muscles to roll that window up in a rain storm.  I'll stick to my automatic windows... thank you.

2. Two words: AQUA NET.
If you don't know what the "wave" is in hair styles, this is going to blow your mind.  Girls would actually force-ably hold up their bangs (and only their bangs) in a high curl, looking like a wave.  It was hideous.  You were super cool if you could get your bangs up six inches high or more and hold them with copious amounts of hair spray.

3. Finding your song on a tape was a NIGHTMARE.
Our kids do NOT know the struggle.  You waited, and waited, and waited for that new Air Supply tape to come out.  (Dear kids post 1990, tapes held music, they were kinda big and clunky, like a small VHS.  If you don't know what a VHS looks like, then, well, you are on the wrong post).  You would eagerly pop your tape in and fast forward through the songs you didn't like to get to the ONE song, you babysat for ten hours to purchase.  Then you would stop the tape about where you thought the song was, and crap, too far, so you had to rewind, then you would rewind too much and have to fast forward just a little more and THEN you listened to the last ten seconds of the song you don't like so that you could hear your favorite song.  CD's and MP3's have really changed life.  One click, that is all it takes to listen to your favorite song.

4. Coffee to-go meant precariously holding a ceramic mug in the car.
Starbucks?  What Starbucks?  Oh, yeah, in Seattle...  We didn't have drive-through espresso stands.  We made coffee at home from something that had caffeine in it and was held in large metal cans you had to use a can-opener to get open.  The large flat, sharp lids doubled as a guillotine.  Then, you used a regular, old coffee pot and put in a ton of cream and sugar to pallet the brown sludge.  But if you drank coffee in fifth grade, you were something.

5. AM/PM 32 oz plastic reusable cups were the best thing ever.
Okay, so I am from California.  If you don't know what this is, I will explain, AM/PM is a gas station chain that has a large retail footprint area.  They also had awesome cups with foam insulators.  You could use those things for YEARS before they died.  However, the little straw protector was always lost in days.  It was tragic.

6. Cartoons were on Saturday's only.
PBS gave us Seasame Street, Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, and 3-2-1 Contact, which were all geared toward kids and had a learning element in them.  They were NOT cartoons.  Cartoons are mindless, funny, and gave us an escape from learning.  Smurfs may have cost IQ points.  Nonetheless, our parents could hold it over our heads if they got up early enough on Saturday's.  No chores, no cartoons... for seven WHOLE ENTIRE days.  Now, we have 30 stations dedicated to children's programs and cartoons.  Our kids can watch the cartoons we missed (like season 2 of He Man) on demand.  They can also watch Thunder Cats whenever they want.  We had to wait for that.  That's why people 30 and over are SO much more patient than the younger generation.  We. Had. To. Wait.

7. When something was "viral" it was BAD.
I watched the entire "Mindcraft Style" parody of Psy's "Gangham Style."  It was terrible.  Some things were funny, but seriously, w...t...?  Ditto, "What Does The Fox Say?"  Not that bad music was in shortage, but we had ONE music video station (VH1) and the video's were at least interesting.  Not that I was allowed to watch it, but come on, I did go to my friends houses... Things now get popular not because they are good, but because they are REALLY, REALLY, bad.  Why does Tosh.O make so much money?  Because he finds the horrible, video's people upload and he presents them.  All of us need therapy to wash the images that should have always stayed in the "home video" category.  Classy, funny home video's could be enjoyed in the company of Bob Saget and found once a week on "America's Home Video's."  Not that I don't love watching some clips of youtube, but on the whole, one line from the era is definitely true..."Don't quit your day job."

8.Our parent's didn't know where we were 60% of the time.
I had a blue banana seat bike that would take me over to Cricket's, Christina's, and Nichole's house in about 20 minutes.  I would ride all year long because it was SoCal.  I didn't have to report to my house by noon, my parents didn't have their parent's home number and I was free.  I could go home and eat lunch during the summer, or I could have dinner with a friend.  I had to be home by dark.  That was the only restriction to freedom.  Unless I said I was going to stay with a friend.  Then I could have been in Tijuana for all my parent's knew.  Now, I know where my kids is 100% of the time.  Those kids are low-jacked.  He has a cell phone and had better answer it when I call.  No excuses.  This is probably a bad thing.  I should trust him and let him be free like I was, but then again, there are so many weirdo's...

9. We didn't play video games because we were BUSY.
Between roller skating, bike riding, hiking, and going to the mall, there was a lot to do.  It was awesome if one of your friends HAPPENED to have a Nintendo, but most of them didn't.  When we did play, we hated missing the mushroom, because if you missed that power-up, the rest of the game was RUINED.  I couldn't play half the video games my kids play because a)I don't have time, and b)I don't care.  I am still busy.  I have a business, house, blog, write, kids, husband, and a HUGE garden.  I don't have time to play video games.  I am thankful that I didn't get used to having one of those devises when I was a kid.

10. This one is yours... what do you miss about the 80's?  Comment below.  I can't wait to hear other people's perspective :).  Have a great weekend!

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Are You Faithful?

The check engine light came on this morning on my 2004 Kia.  No, I don't drive a fancy car.  I love my little car that gets me where I need to go and is content with my regular oil changes.  My heart sank.

I was on my way to help my husband clean our coffee roasting warehouse.  I do not love cleaning our warehouse.  I was in a bad, dare I say, even perhaps, a cranky mood.  Why do I have to clean up after everyone?  Why don't I get any help?  I tell the Lord, "You told me everything would be okay!  You told me that you would multiply what I have lost and bless us beyond what I could even imagine."

I know in the back of my mind I am CRAZY blessed.  There are those in the rest of the world that would love to have my problems.  After all, I don't dodge bullets and we have never gone hungry.  The biggest crisis at my house is running low on toilet paper.

I hear the Lord through my Mother's voice.  "Calm down."  I didn't so much feel like calming down.  I would like to stay pissed off.  I don't know why.

Then I remember we have good friends that own a car repair shop.  I remember that we have just paid off two credit cards this last month.  I remember that we are going to be okay.  My attitude changes.

My family and I have had great loss.  We have lost tens of thousands of dollars.  We have lost family.  I lost my Mother.  We lost my husband's brother.  We have had so many things go wrong in our lives that it seems insurmountable to overcome.  But I know that God has called me to press on.

Marriage isn't easy.  My husband and I fight a lot over things, but at least now we talk about everything.  Even if the topic is uncomfortable.  Even if we yell, he knows what is on my mind and heart, and I know what is on his.  When I came home after the light went on, I told him, "I feel like it is ridiculous to ask me to clean up the warehouse, if you refuse to pitch in with our home!  You expect me to have three full-time jobs, and I can't possibly do any of them well if I don't have your support."  He understood.  He said he was sorry and promised to make sure the kids were doing more to help.

I am faithful to my husband.  I am faithful to my business.  It is hard, I work long hours.  I do things that break down my body, but I am not joking when I hear very clearly, "Press on" from the Lord.  Days like today, I don't feel much less pressing anything.

Faithfulness isn't a feeling.  It isn't temporary.  Faith is the very essence of the word.  You must believe no matter what happens, no matter what storms come, you will be just fine.  God does hold us.  Even when check engine lights come on.  Even when we lose, God is there.

Being faithful to Christianity seems crazy to some.  When problems surface in a marriage, sure, divorce seems much easier than continuing to work through bitterness, anger, and misfortune.  Keep pressing.  Being faithful to God when your finances take multiple hits, it seems crazy to keep tithing and giving.  Give anyway.

It is easy to be faithful to one thing, or a few people, but greatness comes when you are faithful in much.  God enables us to do what seems impossible to the rest of humanity, be people that are unconditionally faithful. 

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He Uses Donkey's and Me

Numbers 22:21-33

Every once in a while, as a Christian, we have the rare gift of God using something or someone to get his point across to us.  We are born with a stubborn streak that we feel entitled to.  It can hurt us, hurt others, and cause us to go a way we were never supposed to go.

Verse 30 "The donkey said to Balaam, "Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?"
"No," Balaam said.
Then the Lord opened Balaam's eyes and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road with his sword drawn.  So he bowed low and fell face down.
 "The angel of the Lord asked him, 'Why have you beaten your donkey three times?  I have come here to oppose you because your path is reckless before me.  The donkey saw me and turned away from me these three times.  If she had not turned away, I would have certainly killed you by now, but spared her."

My son had been having major attitude problems.  I get it, the tween thing is a nightmare.  I became an idiot to him overnight.  (sigh).  I was trying to get dinner going and it was already 6 at night.  It would be another hour- if I was lucky.  From the living room I hear a frustrated groan, followed by accusing his little brother of something or another. 

"What is going on?" I demanded.

My youngest started to tell me, but the older one cut him off, "IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"  He yelled.  Wrong answer, young man. 

"Is that how you talk to me?"  I was very calm despite the fact I wanted to put him in a time machine and revert him back to his sweet five year old self.  He slumped on the couch and told me, "You ALWAYS take HIS side.  For once would it kill you to take MY side?" 

I wasn't sure what this was about but something told me to just listen.  "I am starving here and you haven't even MADE dinner yet!"  He was clearly 'hangry.'

I sweetly smiled and told him, "Honey, I was making dinner, but I had to stop and come make sure you were okay.  Every time you throw a fit, I have to stop what I am doing to work with you.  It is very inefficient."  My smile faded as my brain registered what I had just said. 

Ugh.

Conviction. 

For the last ten years, I have just wanted 'out' of this place.  I hate the snow.  I hate being cold.  I hate being so far from the majority of my friends and family.  I hate that I have to work so much and can't enjoy motherhood as much as I want to.  I hate that money is so tight.  I fought God on everything from dawn until dusk.  No wonder my prayers weren't being answered!  I was whining, griping, and arguing with him about the blessed life I already have.  It is impossible to complete any task if someone is kicking and screaming.

Did you know swimming/ water rescue groups are taught to knock someone out, or let them pass out if they pose a drowning risk to the rescuer?  No one can save you if you are intent on throwing a fit.  They have to wait until the person is calm then complete a rescue.  You will find shore when you are no longer fighting. 

I will let that sink in. 

So what do I do now?  The Bible was very clear, sit down, be quiet, be thankful, and find contentment wherever God puts you.  I confessed out loud, I love my home.  I don't just, "like it." I love it.  I am home.  I love my family.  Even the mouthy, hormonal, stinky members that are here sometimes to teach me about life, and my relationship with God. 

I am thankful that I didn't need a donkey to crush my foot, knock me off, or talk to me. God just let me listen to myself.  I was my own stumbling block.  Now we can move on.

Race Results are In!

Running isn't easy.  I have been running at least four days a week for the last six months.  I still don't look like the runners on television, or in magazine ads.  I still have fat in places I don't want it.  But here is the thing: I don't care.

Call it an epiphany if you will.  As I ran up the long hill back to campus for the race, my heart was beating fast and my lungs were caked with pollen.  I was not slowing down.  I was not giving up.  I came in within the first ten people of the 5K.  I was blown away.

No one in my family runs.  NO ONE.  My sister was a track star for awhile before she was sidelined from injury in 9th grade.  I was the fat sister.  I was the one in pictures that you thought, "She has a pretty face."  My sister though, was beautiful.  She had long, straight perfect blonde hair.  She was tall.  She was thin.  She was invited to model.  I was so crushed I at the whole box of Samoa's.

In sixth grade I was weighing in at 171 pounds.  I remember the number because I had to go see a nutritionist.  They weighed me, poked me, and put my fat in calipers.  It was humiliating.

No matter how much I wanted to lose weight, I couldn't.  I found out later in life, I had a reaction to the protein in both milk and eggs.  No wonder I was gassy and in pain for so long!   I can't blame my Mom for not having the testing done.  She was a single Mom that was given a $20.00 child support amount for the first eight years she was divorced!  There were four of us girls and $20.00 doesn't cover much.  We ate what we were given. 

Now I do my best to avoid the things that I have problems with and exercise regularly.  I refuse to let my body get into the "overweight" zone.  I will be healthy, even if it means not buying junk in the first place.

When Mom went to the hospital with chest pain, they gave her diet pills.  The doctor never even picked up his stethoscope.  She had a large, inoperable tumor in her lung, but they wouldn't know that for three more months because they told her she was, "just fat."

That is my motivation to run.  I want a doctor to take my pain and complaints seriously.  I want to live.

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About Me

This photo was taken at my very first 5K race on April 26, 2014, just one short year after Mom passed.  It was the perfect ending to the year.  Allow me to explain...

Technically, the year was hard.  I did all the normal "mom," "wife," and "daughter" duties but without a Mom to call it's kind of like walking on your knees.  You can still function, but it's not nearly as easy.

I started "really" running in January.  Before that time, I only ran when I was pissed or missing Mom.  Okay, I ran quite a bit.  It's my get away.  It's my good pain.  It's my health.

When I found out Mom had lung cancer, I would go visit her and run on the trails near her home.  It was my way of feeling the pain she was enduring.  I would journal about what was going on.  Sometimes, the humor came in waves.  Sometimes, pain hit like a ton of bricks.

My husband and I went through changes as she got sick and subsequently passed.  We fought a lot.  I didn't know how to get over what I was feeling and he wasn't a whole lot of help sometimes.  As it turns out, he couldn't handle the loss either.

We found a way to peace though pain.  I don't recommend it; but for us, we have the deep understanding that divorce isn't an option.  We love each other.  We drive each other crazy and make each other extraordinarily proud.  We are a unit.  We believe family is the root of all we do.  This makes us strong and able to overcome unbelievable odds.

I have two wonderful little men.  They are taught to be responsible, well-educated, and able to make thought-out decisions.  I am raising the next generation, and I don't have much time to do it.  I know I don't do everything right, but I am proud they work around my weakness.

My little men had a hard time losing Grandma.  I forget this sometimes.  I lost a Mom, but they lost a Grandma.  Grandma's are sometimes better than Mom.  Mom has a lot to do, where as Grandma can drop everything and listen to you and your one hour story.  No one can fill that hole.  I have had to allow them to grieve differently than I did.  That sounds weird, but it's true.  We all deal with loss differently.

I started writing a book shortly after she died.  It was my way of preserving what she wanted to say, and preserving our relationship.  I miss her every day.  Above all though, I am thankful for the time I had.

When I cross the line at my second race tomorrow, I will be crossing for the both of us.  I am running for https://lcsnw.ejoinme.org/MyEvents/JuneBugFunRun2014/PersonalFundraiserSignupFundraising/tabid/524852/Default.aspx?joinme=34594 the June Bug Fun Run, which benefits abuse victims.  The first time I ran, I did so for childhood cancer.  Both causes are near to my heart.  I have lost much, but found that in pain, faith is found.  I don't wish away the hurt, nor the loss.  I am an extremely blessed woman.

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