What to Eat, FREE Running Guides, and More!

I did a search for "free running training guide."  In each case, they want you to download their "reader" or virus, whatever... I found the one I mentioned in a previous post, but I found the one I made below to be a lot more helpful.  I am one of those people that needs to know HOW long to run, WHAT speed to run, What "active rest" means, and how many days I need to train to feel my best.  A loose guesstimate wasn't working for me.  So, I used the guide from the previous post and made my own that was VERY specific.  I found weekends are my best shot at "long" runs, so I went with those bones, and gave myself a weekday as "rest."  I figured out Thursday was the day I was least likely to workout. 

If you are a handwritten log type person, try the food log on for size.  I will often jot down things when I am away from my cell phone and then plug them into MyFitnessPal application at night.  I cannot stress enough the importance of making sure of the following:

1. If you are trying to lose weight make sure you are getting enough calories.  When you run, you need to eat at least 300 MORE calories per day.  These cannot be empty calories.  Here are some good snack options to try:
a. Low-fat cottage cheese
b. String cheese
c. Raw Almonds
d. celery sticks with peanut butter (I hate plain celery)
e. KIND bars
f. Bumble Bars
g. Home-made Kale Chips
h. Home-made frozen Greek yogurt bites
i. Turkey jerky
j. Frozen blueberries
k. Hummus and cucumber slices
l. Rolled up organic turkey slices with spinach leaves and Swiss cheese
m. 1 oz Dark chocolate and raw cherries
n. Rolled up organic Roast beef with mustard to dip
o. Slice of sourdough bread with 1 tbs peanut butter and 3 strawberries sliced on top
p. Popcorn sprinkled with garlic olive oil and black pepper
q. Boiled egg whites with ham
r. lightly salted peanuts
s. carrot sticks with plain Greek yogurt
t. Tomato slices with provolone cheese
u. Black seedless grapes
v. 6 crackers topped with olive tempenade
w. 1/2 a banana
x. Homemade trail mix with Pepita's (hulled pumpkin seeds), dark chocolate chunks, dried plum pieces, raw almonds, flax seeds
y. Smoothie made with 1/2 cup fresh spinach leaves, 2 strawberries, coconut water, Benefiber (R), 1 tbs Macha green tea (LOTS of caffeine, so drink in the a.m. only).
z. Cherry Tomatoes

2. If you are new to running, make sure you are drinking enough water.  I suggest at least 2 32 oz bottles full of water each day and during your run.  Some may say this is too much, but any less, and I feel dizzy.  Error on the side of more.  Infuse with lime wedges, and herbal tea if you must have flavor.  DO NOT do the "flavor shots."  They contain potentially harmful chemicals, and artificial flavors and colors.  If you can't pronounce it, don't put it in your mouth.

3. If you feet and legs hurt while you run, it is time to check your shoes.  Try inserts, and using running specified socks.  If these don't help, look at replacing your shoes with new ones that fit properly.  I am a BIG fan of Brooks running shoes and here is how I found the shoe I adore http://www.brooksrunning.com/on/demandware.static/Sites-BrooksRunning-Site/Sites-BrooksRunning-Library/default/brooks_shoe_advisor/Default.htm

4. Give it TWO weeks of going on your own.  If you are still having trouble getting motivated or meeting basic goals, find a friend that is more experienced in running for partnership.  Meet NO LESS than twice a week.  Then, do your own workout two other days a week.

5. Know your B.M.I.and how many calories you should consume.  The CDC has a "automatic" BMI calculator here: http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/bmi/adult_bmi/english_bmi_calculator/bmi_calculator.html Nutrition guides can be found here that tell you how many calories you should eat in a day. http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/estimated-calorie-requirement

Well, that is the nuts and bolts of this week.  I hope you found the post helpful.  If you have any questions, please let me know.  I am always happy to share the best and worst of my training thus far.  Have a great rest of the week.


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When Goals Aren't Met

I fell on our slippery deck last week.  We had been watering, and the stain can be slick.  I was okay, but landed on my thumb.  It shouldn't have been a big deal, but do you know how much you NEED your thumb?  A lot.  For EVERYTHING.  Did you know you need your thumb for opening toothpaste, pulling up your pants, and stirring a pot of soup?

The first 20 minutes of running is much the same way.  My feet hurt, the fan isn't blowing the right way, my knee hurts, I am suddenly REALLY thirsty, I have to go to the bathroom.  I could very well be a toddler that was just told they need to go to bed.  Once I push past the pain, and internal lazy voice, I feel outstanding.  Once I push past the 45 minute mark, I could go forever.  It feels good to tell your lazy voice it has no place in your goals.

However, I didn't get the time I wanted on the long run Saturday.  I was angry at myself.  I ran five miles in less than 55 minutes, but It wasn't under 10 minutes per mile.  Once I was situated in my run, I couldn't make up for the "jogging" I did in the beginning.  Then it hit me, I just ran five miles in under an hour!  I couldn't have done that a month ago!

Goals take time to develop.  It is easy to get frustrated and give up.  I read Hebrews 12:1 yesterday, and I thought I would share it with you.  "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles us, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Verse 12 "Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.  Make level the path for your feet, so the lame may not be disabled but rather healed."

But the goal this week for the mental attitude was to not even let the negative inner voice breathe.  When the inner voice said, "I don't know if I will be able to..." I shut it off.  I told myself out loud, "I can and I will."  When the voice said, "No one in our family runs."  I told it, "You know what does RUN in our family: obesity, diabetes, cancer, and high blood pressure, I am running from that."  That inner voice may have uttered, but I was able to take away the power it once held over me.

My thumb, the twinge in my knee, and thirst are not going to keep me from running.  I will finish the goals even if it takes the rest of my life.  I will tell myself how strong I am; not how strong I wish I was.  I will remove the wishes and make them into accomplishments.

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Put Down The Cell Phone...

http://themetapicture.com/people-kept-complaining-this-restaurant-sucked-look-what-they-found-out/  I read this article this morning, and I felt sad.  We have been coming to this place in our society for awhile now, and I haven't really said anything because I will be honest: I love my phone.

I love checking the weather.

I love popping into facebook.

I love looking up the thing on Pinterest I want to make.

I have a mild panic attack when I think I don't have it.

Hi, My name is Hannah.  I am addicted to my cell phone.  But not anymore.

Sunday, facebook did the tuna and I couldn't make it work.  Then I realized my family, which I love more than anything was complaining about me being on my cell phone in excess.  Perhaps, they were right.  After all, I love killing piggies when I have had a really craptastic day.  I like to play games like Solitaire when I wait for the doctor.  I plug in my food to log my calories, and check for text messages.

I was on the phone an average of three hours a day, and that is low for many people.  Seriously.  Start keeping track of how much time you spend once you swipe unlock every time.  Two minutes here, half hour there, two hours... You get the point, that time adds up.

This may not be an issue for those that don't have ADD, but for me, it was a big, fat distraction, I had to limit.  I did the unthinkable and deleted the facebook, solitaire, and Angry Birds apps right then and there.  I check facebook through the internet, but the constant chime of "activities" has stopped.  I go hours without checking anything.

Maybe everyone should do this.  Suddenly, I have time to cook dinner every night again.  I have a menu, the coupons are clipped, and I have a cleaner house.  I was embarrassed by this morning, because I have A LOT more time than I thought. 

Ask your kids how much time you spend on your phone.  Even if they can't tell time, they know that when you are taking duck-faced selfies in the mirror, you are not spending time with them.  Ask your husband, or significant other if they think your phone is a problem.  Have an intervention for someone that is having this curable problem.

My phone is for pictures, listening to church pod casts, appointment reminders, workout music, and weather and looking up emergency things like was it REALLY a year since Paul Walker died, or was facebook making that up?  It is back to being an accessory and not a body part.

So I challenge you to do the same.  Delete Candy Crush, Angry Birds, Words With Friends, and any other applications that do not make you a better person.  Then come back and tell me what you did instead of getting to the next level of Candy Crush.  Have a GREAT rest of your week.

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Horror Stories and Going For It

A lot of people almost died running.  Or they lose their cartilage, or have a mild stroke, or any number of other terrible things that I have learned this week after the simple sentence, "I am running a half marathon in September."  When they see the horror on my face, they usually back up the story with, "But I am sure you will do fine."  Thanks.  Thank you SOOOOOOO much.

I put on "Happy" by Pharrell and just run.  I am going to run until this body will allow me to do no more.  But I am hoping that day isn't for at least 80 more years.  Because I finally know what this "runners high" feels like.  And it is FANTASTIC.

Here is the weekly wrap up for how training went:
Body: My shorts are all a lot looser and I have no "muffin top" at all.  Thank goodness, because that wasn't sexy.
Time: I shaved 15 seconds off each mile this week, not great, but not shabby.
Mental: That first 20 minutes before I am warmed up is drag.  I have to adjust my shoe laces, make sure my head band isn't too tight, and find out WHY my kids wait until I am running to have some sort of crisis.
Goals: I want to get to a 9:20 mile by the end of next week.  I am also going to do 10 miles this next week.

If you want to know what my play list is here you go.  I have found that a lot of the "running music" didn't really do it for me, and I didn't like some of the songs, so I had to listen to HOURS of Pandora to find a list I liked and I could get behind listening to. 

1. Happy by Pharrell
2. 500 Miles by Steven Curtis Chapman
3. Ain't Nothin' About You by Brooks and Dunn
4. Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson
5. Hall of Fame by The Script feat. Will.i.am
6. Hold On Tight by Electric Light Orchestra
7. Home by Phillip Phillips
8. I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas
9. People Like us by Kelly Clarkson
10. The Sound of Sunshine by Michael Franti
11. Step Up To the Microphone by Newsboys
12. We Will Rock You by Queen
13. We are Brave by Shawn McDonald
14. (Perfect) by Pink
15. Can't Hold Us by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
16. Work by Jars of Clay
17. Coming Home by Diddy *Note: I know there are a few "choice" words in the song, but overall I like the words and the song.
18. Best Day of My Life by American Authors
19. Pompeii by Bastille
20. The Man by Aloe Blacc
21. Ready, Set, Go by Royal Taylor
22. Wake me Up by Avicii
23. Hey Brother by Avicii

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We Require Times of Rest

We are built for hard work, handling stress, and our bodies can physically be altered to have endurance.  But we all must reach a point where rest is required.  Every 24 hour cycle we need to sleep.  Every two days of hard physical running, you must change activities, or rest completely. 

Rest is magical.  While we sleep, or relax, our bodies repair damage.  Rest gives our mind a break.  Failure to rest can be devastating; emotionally, and physically.  We can actually make ourselves sick by pressing through and forcing ourselves to over-do it.

If you go to church, this concept of rest is literally built into the foundation of faith.  "Six days you labor and on the 7th day you rest."  That was not a suggestion.  We visit our places of worship to not only recharge spiritually, but to enjoy one another as well.

If we spend all our time buried deep in diapers, bills, work, and don't take time for ourselves, we will come to a large, brick wall remarkably quickly.  Your family is lovely, but friends and those that share your faith give you more.  Human beings, and mammals in general, share a deep intrinsic need for quality social time.  We need to laugh with someone that "gets" us.  We need to be able to have someone that we can disagree with and that will help us see things from another point of view.  If we were supposed to constantly have someone agree with us, we would only live with dogs. 

If you haven't taken time to yourself in a while reading this blog is a GREAT start.  Here are a few other pointers that will help you find peace, before you snap like stick. 

1. Find a relaxing hobby.  Try fishing, coloring, cooking (for fun), wood-working, or kitting.  There are more, but this is a good start.

2. Twice a year, take a FULL week if you can, and go on vacation.  You don't have to leave, if you cannot afford to do so, but taking a week off of work will allow you to focus on the people you live with, the home you live in, and the breath you have been given.

3. Do some form of exercise EVERYDAY.  Alternate your workouts and try new things!  One day, spend an hour weeding the garden and doing half hour of yoga, the next day run a few miles, then do strength training, you get the idea.  Don't limit yourself to a single routine, but move daily.

4. Get away.  Twice a week, get out of your house, leave work, and GO do something productive and healthy.  Volunteer at a shelter, ride a bike on a trail, wander Target for a few hours with a budget of $20.00, take your kids to the park, hike a trail, fly a kite, golf, join a social group, take up bowling, whatever, but do so AWAY from your normal life and without your family.

5. Take your vitamins!  We may eat right and exercise, but if you are still tired, try increasing your vitamin D.  You might be amazed to find this simple deficiency can be mood, and wellness altering.

6. Find your calm.  Every single day, do something in the way of mediation.  I pray, and read a devotional page, but some find calm in listening to nature, yoga, and just drinking a glass of hot milk before bed.  Do something intentional every day that will center your mind, and make the next 24 hours a success for you, and worthwhile for others.

7. See a doctor!  If you have trouble sleeping, and there isn't a good reason why, talk to a professional.  You may need to participate in a sleep study, and get answers.  Some of them, like apnea, can go undiagnosed for years and make your quality of sleep, and the sleep of those you live with compromised. 

Think of your body like a watering can.  If you are constantly watering others, and do not pause to "put in" for yourself, you will run out of water.  I hope starting today, you will look for ways to just rest.

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Home school vs. Public Education

With only six months of experience under my belt it is definitely safe to say, I am NOT an expert in homeschooling.  But I am not a newbie either.  I have made a few mistakes, and did a few things very well.  I hope to share these with you to both help make a better decision for education, and give you good ideas.

FAIL: Too many resources, not enough time.

WHY THAT HAPPENED: We participated in a Parent Partnership Program through the local school district.  They provided resources through Rainbow Resource (which was great), but the problem was there was WAY TOO MUCH.  Which one is best?  Which ones will your kids get done so fast you can't keep up?  What about the ones that EXPLAIN NOTHING?  It was very mind-boggling.  I know the ones I loved, and the kids got the most from (Horizon's Math, and Health books, and Usborne World History get PERFECT reviews in my book).  The ones I didn't love?  The Common Core books by Spectrum.  Some concepts they explained, others were lackluster.  Also, they are black and white printed, and the kids just couldn't latch on to them. 

WIN: Schedule out times and activities for the entire week.

WHY THAT WORKED: My kids liked having clear goals for each day, which we prepared ahead of time.  They sometimes got behind, but we were able to "reschedule" assignments in "free time" spaces so that they each could feel a sense of accomplishment when they would finish a goal.  We tried "winging it" or "un-schooling" at first, and wow, for us, that was an EPIC fail.  My kids were overwhelmed with the work and creating a schedule for themselves.  I had to step in and give them tools (i.e. a planner) to help them organize their time, resources, and ultimately put them in charge of their learning speed.

FAIL: Socialization issues.

WHY THAT HAPPENED: The kids had been in public school until Christmas break.  They were used to their friends, after school play, and a tight schedule.  Going into home school from public school was too much for my youngest, that had been the ASB leader of his class, and had been part of advanced groups.  He loved (and by that I mean THRIVED) in the social structure of school.  When I removed him from that, he wilted like a daisy.  I put him in groups, we had play time with his friends, and he still wasn't getting enough.  We met one kid that I was not crazy about, and even less crazy about his parents.  It was one of those families that can give "home schoolers" a bad name.  This "friend" needed social help, and was awkward at best.  I had to limit contact because I will be frank, the family gave me the heebie-jeebies.  I don't mind that my child was friends with him during the "social" times, but the child INSISTED on isolating my kid.  I was not okay with that.  We dealt with it.  The oldest may try the program again, but the youngest is going back to a traditional school setting.  He needs social, and I am okay with that.

WIN: FREE PRINTABLE!

WHY THAT WORKED: I did not have money to continually try to find curriculum that would match what I wanted to teach in the week.  I found http://printables.scholastic.com/printables/detail/?id=23740&ESP=PRT/ib//acq/teachersapprec///teachersarticle/freeprintable and http://www.scholastic.com/parents/resources/collection/more-printables/printables-3rd-5th-grade.  I love all the math, science, art, and reading activities, ALL FREE!  I used a lot of printer ink ;).

FAIL: Did not grade papers as they were finished.

WHY THAT HAPPENED: I was trying to do too many things at once.  Don't be me.  Grade the papers and find a system that involves recording grades.  It will work better than not.  Someone may want to see evidence you are educating your kids.  This is the best way to make your case, and show your child's progress.  I understand some people don't feel they need to "prove" anything to anyone, but alas, this is wishful thinking at best in the long run.  Lower grades, you can get away with, but by Middle School, have a plan.

FAIL: Trying to work full-time and home school.

WHY THAT HAPPENED: Maybe you can handle all the pressure of keeping up a house, making every meal, doing all the shopping, working part-time away from the house, part-time from home work, home school, social activities, supervise musical groups, go to church, and manage to sleep...  I cannot.  By mid-May I was frazzled, and MANY balls dropped, including grading papers.

The boys have now decided to go to "specialized" public school options.  They are ready to get back into class, and although I feel like I could have actually done better this year, the husband and I agree, it's probably for the best.  I am trying to train for a half-marathon, and catch up with work.  I have let home school go for now, but maybe someday, when I am not trying to run a business and work full-time, it will be an option again.

For those that want to try to do the work and school thing, TRY it!  You may do better than I did.  Hopefully, you can see where I fell down, and avoid those (painful) fails! 

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So Much More Than Running

Two weeks ago, the calorie counter clicked away...799...800.  My brain wondered, what would happen when it went up to 1000?  I kept running past my usual "long run" total of 45 minutes and made up my mind to go for it.  I paused the treadmill at 999 and took this picture.  Then the calories zeroed out.  So glad I had evidence!

This week, rough draft #2 was completed of my book.  I printed all 68,000 words two pages of type for one page of print.  I discovered, I am terrible at correcting if it's not printed out.  My eyes water and blur 10 pages in on a screen.  The English language is an incredibly complicated thing.  I have HIGH respect for those teaching ESL, and those that learn all the intricacies that make up our speech.

Last night, I did something I never have before, I broke my record of speed for the two mile run.  I ran two miles in just a bit over 19 minutes.  I know that is slow for those who have been running for a long time, but I am 33 years old and this is only month 7 of being very consistent.

The scale isn't moving this week.  At. All.  I told the scale it could burn.  It still didn't move.  Nothing listens to me; not my kids, not my husband, not my scale *sigh.*  However, the pants that had been too tight over spring, fit great.  My husband says maybe the fat turned to muscle.

I am also starting weight training more seriously this week.  I want to be strong, and have cardiovascular endurance.  It takes time to develop, so I better start now.  Up until now, I have avoided leg work outs, because, Junior year of HS I took a weight training class and I did VERY well.  Coach wanted me to go to State for the Ladies division.  Then I was walking behind the Varsity Football players and one of them said, "Look at her legs!  They are bigger than mine!"  Not the thing a 17 year old self-conscious teen wants to here.  I quit the team, and did only arm reps after that.

That goes in my pile of regrets in life.  I should have turned around and said, "That's right!  These legs that are 'bigger than yours' are going to the Olympics!"   I have the frame to be a large body-builder.  My father and mother were both VERY strong individuals.  I have no desire to be a body builder now, as my shoulder is shot, but back in the day, I could have.

From now in life, I am going to take the good opportunities that come before me.  I declare good and happy things over my life.  I declare that I will teach my children to be the best versions of themselves every day and not give one toot about what anyone else thinks or says. 

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I'm a HAPPY Girl!

I have been praying for a scholarship to a half marathon for about two weeks, since it first became available.  Today, I got word that the scholarship was received.  I was scared, and elated all at once!

Most people can do a three point one mile run/walk (a 5K).  It takes a whole new level of personal dedication to pull thirteen miles.  All at once, in the same day, thirteen miles.  That is like running to another city, and then coming home.  I can run six miles without too much pain, but this is double.

I downloaded my free training guide.  Woah.  http://www.running-programs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/12-Week-Half-Marathon-Race-Training-4-Day_-Experienced.pdf.  I have my work cut out for me!  I am going to do a bit more than they recommend, but that is because I don't want to come in last place wheezing on a stretcher.  I want to come in with the top 25%.  I am ambitious, and nuts.

So why is this race so important to me?  Because when Mom died, I wanted to her to go with me for the rest of my journey.  Every race, and every mile, I wanted her to run with me.  Every page of my book, every blog entry on this page is meant as an honor and tribute.  She made me, and I will run because she couldn't.

When I feel my legs start to hurt, I remember her voice, saying, "whatever you do, just finish."  I know she meant it for the book I am working on, but this applies to racing as well.  She would want me to finish strong.  She wouldn't want someone to turn in a "half-baked" effort.

She was a teacher for a lot of her life, and her students loved that she was tough on them.  I wasn't in the "loved that she was tough" group.  I thought she could have left that part of her at school. But I never, ever wanted to disappoint her.  I still don't.  Mistakes and all, I want her to be remembered.

I will run for the Mom that told me to "keep practicing" my solo's.
I will run for the Mom that told me, "you need to get better grades."
I will run for the Mom that told me, "I know you are going to get this if you keep going."
I will run for the Mom that told me, "Never give up."

So on that note, I will wrap up this post.  I have three miles to run.  Have a blessed and HAPPY day.

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My Bucket List

When time on earth isn't a given, and one can only think that these bills, these kids, and this home require ones full and undivided attention, it is very easy to become overly focused on the here and now.  But I found peace in allowing myself to glimpse beyond the day-to-day and dream, just for a minute though, because seriously, I have to get dinner ready.  I jotted a "bucket list" of sorts and I decided for the first time in my life to go ahead and share them.

1. I want to complete a half marathon.  Believe it or not, this may be a reality *if* I get the scholarship I applied for.  We don't have the money to cover the expense out-of-pocket, but I very much want to do the "long" race.  Yes, I know it's going to kick my butt, but I love the brutal butt kicking of running.  The race is scheduled for September.  So, pray I get it :).

2.  I want to visit Europe.  Italy specifically.  I think I could eat Gelato for every meal while walking around the Italian coast and drinking thick red wines.  I love vineyards, and I can cook an amazing spaghetti sauce.  I think I would fall in love and never come home.

3. I have GOT to get my book published.  I am well on my way, with the second draft finished, but there are so many components that it would blow your mind.  Who would have thought something could be SO complex!  I have enlisted the help of the facebook world, so hopefully, we will have a finished product soon enough.

4.  I want to renew vows and try on wedding gowns.  Okay... I know, I know... If you have been married 14 years, WHY do you need to renew your vows?  Here is why: We were poor college students when we got married.  I was given my perfect wedding dress, and MOST of the wedding supplies were free/donated/borrowed, or purchased very inexpensively.  I want a day to not just renew the vows, but to celebrate the union we rushed into.  (No.  I wasn't pregnant.  We had not even had sex, just for the record).  Yes, it worked out, but what other couple do you know that dated 20 weeks to the day and is STILL married?  That is what I thought.  Our wedding costs were less than $5,000.00 for absolutely everything.  And at the time we didn't drink.  This time, there will be champagne, and white wine.  Why did we not drink?  Well, for starters, I was 19.  There will be a beach, and everyone of the male variety will wear Hawaiian shirts.  Because tuxedo's are good for the first time only.

5. I want to stuff as many "awesome" memories into my kids brains as physically possible.  I want to take them to places like Sea World, Disney World, the Caribbean, and back to Camp Redcloud so they can also climb a 14er.  They are getting older, and now with only 5 summers until my oldest graduates High School, I have to make the time count.  We are doing lots of camping, and hiking this summer, so at least I have a GREAT start :).

6. I would love to become a professional speaker.  I know this takes time, and if it's even a little bit like writing a book, it will happen after I turn 40.  It has been a desire of my heart for over a decade.  Mom told me I would be a "wonderful" speaker.  God continues to use my life in amazing ways.  I can't wait to see what the rest holds!

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Birthday's In Heaven

The woman on the left is my Mom.  Today would have been her 53rd birthday.  But, today, as we did last year, we celebrate without her.

My youngest is starting to forget some things about her.  That is the most heartbreaking.  He has some of her old books which we must read from every single night.  He sleeps with the blanket she made and her teddy bear too.

My oldest simply won't talk about it at all.  It hurts him a lot.  He misses her like crazy.  He asked if there was birthday's in heaven.  He asked God cares about birthday's.  I sensed a twinge of bitterness in his voice.  How could God take Grandma when they were going to do more stuff together?

We started a tradition of eating chocolate to remember her on her birthday.  We asked people to take pictures of the chocolate thing and post it to her wall on facebook.  The results helped my heart.  This year, for whatever reason, there hasn't been a single photograph.

My Mom was a well-organized pack rat.  She had report cards, art work we did as 3 year olds, every single card sent to her for any reason ever, pay stubs from her first job, and newspaper clippings from anyone she ever loved.  She loved her treasures.

It was so hard to finally finish going through everything last week.  I knew I couldn't handle it today, so I made sure it was done.  It took fourteen months to go through everything she held near and dear.  Most things I did not keep.

Then there were pictures from each of our births except the youngest.  Mom was "devastated" when the film came back ruined.  I am all for birth pictures from the side, but full-on vee jay jay shots were a bit of a shock.   My dad laughs and said she was saving them until, "we were ready to see them."  Apparently, we were never ready.  I know for sure I wasn't.  But now  I can't un-see that...

Her friends are spread across the world.  Everyone she met, she made an impression on.  She gave food to those that held signs on street corners.  She would make blankets for anyone she knew that was going to have a baby.  I decided to keep that tradition going for her.  I finished up the blankets for the "grandbabies" last Christmas.  I knew she would have wanted me to.

Mom smelled like Downy, Lady's Speed Stick, and White Shoulders.

The cancer made her different.  She hated being "needy" but when she got sick, she had no choice but rely on others.  She ate a lot of Russian food.  She was not a fan, but didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Mom moved her books everywhere.  We finally did a "total" count of the number of times she moved in her lifetime and the number is in the mid-50's.  We can't decide if "temporary" living counts.  I say, if her books were out of the boxes, it counted.

She also loved to can.  During the summer, the kitchen would be hot, steaming, and smell of berries, fruit, and vinegar.  She packed around nine boxes of canning jars.  We finished off the last jar of blackberry jam last winter and my heart hurt a little bit.

By the time she went into hospice, we spoke almost everyday.  I picked up the phone to call her, and I found in that moment, I was mad at God a little too.  Cancer in her brain made her unable to speak.  She was frustrated and angry.  She spent her whole life talking.  Then it was snatched away.  

It is hard to say goodbye to someone you love so very, very much.  Even when things were not great for long stretches of time, she was always my Mom.  She had her things to work through, and I had mine.  But we did.  We found a way to make peace and love each other.  Maybe that is why it was so hard.  Things were finally really good, and then she was gone.

So if you can, today, pick up a piece of chocolate: cake, candy, ice cream, brownie, whatever... and think of Angie.  She would tell you to diet tomorrow, for today is her birthday, and calories don't count.

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Run in the Morning And Other Myths You Should Ignore

The article made me sad.  "I run before 5 am when everything is still quiet."  Do you know why everything is quiet?  It's because people are ASLEEP.  I hate getting up before 5.  Running before 5?  Not. Going. To. Happen.  Ever.

I shouldn't feel bad.  I work out everyday of the week to some extent.  Couch potato was never in the schedule.  Here is a sample of today:
6 am: Make Breakfast and put tea outside
6:30 Load dishwasher
7 Start the sprinklers
7:10 Cycle laundry
7:30 Label bags
8:30 Start Dinner
9 Put up the 4th of July Decorations
9:30 Print Shipping labels
11 am Make Lunch
11:45 Label more bags
12:30 Update Business Facebook page
1 pm Change sheets
1:10 Make-up on and hair done
1:15 Help kids get ready for friends house
1:20 Cycle laundry
1:30 Go to the Bank
1:45 Go to the Post Office
2:00 Grocery Shop for 4th of July food
2:45 Home/unload food
3 pm Cycle laundry
3:15 Move hoses
3:30 Kids home from friends house/ make them a snack
3:45 Bring in the sun tea
4pm Make Dinner
4:40 Do the dishes/load the dishwasher (again)
5 Put food away
6 pm Work on blog
7:10 Elliptical for 30 minutes

Why should I feel guilty, or like I am doing something wrong when clearly, I have a lot on my plate.  I exercise as often as I can when I can.  That means, I work out late at night.  I like knowing I have accomplished a lot during a day, and I can put my head on the pillow knowing I did my very best.

Mom's, like myself, need encouragement.  We don't need to hear statistics like, "women that work out after 9 am are more likely to not work out."  How do you know that?  Did they poll a bunch of women that usually work out in the mornings but slack now and then?

I pondered this while listening to the radio.  Apparently, attractive people do not get sick as often as the "rest of us trolls."  I laughed out loud.  Trolls.  Just what I needed to hear.  The giant scar on my forehead keeps my ego in permanent check.  You can't miss it.  It's like the doctor removed the tumor with a chain saw.  At least I am alive.

I do my best to look presentable when I go out.  Today, I wore a dress (gasp!).  My make-up is natural looking because I do it in less than 3 minutes from start to mascara wand down.  I don't have time for "smokey eye" look unless I am going on a date.

For the love.  Be yourself!  Find things about yourself that you love.  Quit looking at the things that you think are imperfect.  I want to scream and shake women I hear talking in front of their daughters and saying things like, "look at my ugly tummy rolls."  WOMAN!  You have those tummy rolls because YOU MADE A PERSON.  That person may have made string bikini's a thing of the past, but now you are responsible for making a future adult.  Teach that future adult to be strong, brave, and honorable. 

I say, end the madness.  Tell our kids we love the way our skin looks in the sun.  Do yoga over your lunch break.  Take a walk before work.  Buy only clothes that fit; never "if I lose 5 pounds..."  Be honest about what things make you frustrated.  Park in the parking space farthest from the store.  Run after dinner.  Tell your son's they are strong.  Tell your daughters they are EXACTLY perfect.  Do NOT tell your kids you think you are fat.  Put the elliptical machine in the living room and when you watch television, step on it. During your kids soccer game, walk around the field several times.  Fit exercise into whatever time slot you have.  Buy gold stars at the dollar store and stick one on the calendar every time you work out 30 minutes or more.  Because, Go Team Mom.

This is one of the AMAZING people I made. :).

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